as much as you think that I'm a failure,you fail even more.

..There're no holes in her shoe
but a big one in her world..

what have "this" done to me?
what commitment means?
commitment leaves brutal marks all over the place.
so what do this even mean.

trying so hard to fix the rusty machine.
though the engine is as power as Ferrari's,but it still choose not
to work.
every single day my mind speaks;

" God grant me the courage not to give up what I think is right even
though I think it is hopeless. "

patience is like knocking on the devil's door.
once twice,yeah! maybe it'll let you off & hoping it won't happened
again.
but you knocked it harder,it'll answer you. someday,who knw.

I knw who you were.
because everything changed,it seem that you're out.

yeah. lets reminisce.
fuck. now I wanna punch someone's face.
how abt you?

If it's not real
You can't hold it in your hand
You can't feel it with your heart
And I won't believe it

But if it's true
You can see it with your eyes
Even in the dark
And that's where I want to be.

I should be tucking in by now,but I just can't hold my peace.
well not anymore.

somehow I've forgotten what does a true/pure friendship taste like. maybe purity & truthfulness doesn't really plant in everyone. what does it even mean when kindness be taken as an advantage when it supposed to be something... sincere & nice? it still exist? seriously? even at this age? honestly,this is what i call an obvious-dissemble. every moved you'd made,it's like an "ethereal". though things rippled at time,it's either you forgive & forget or gather the guts to tell them in the face. maybe what we had was meant to be an evanescent.

so lastly,kiss ass.

when you were 17.

when you were 18.

when you were .. ehemm.. 19.

now that you are 20.

i don't need to have a boyfriend..

1. who rides a bike/drives a car
2. who excel in studies (he's one of them,just that he's lazy)
3. who give me 24/7 freedom

because I'm happy just the way you are. I love you so much. Happy 3rd Year Anniversary.

"Just don't give up I'm workin it out
Please don't give in, I will let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me"

I need to learn the "art" of containment & speed. because no matter how much you try to please someone,you're just dope. but by the end of the day,I knw my mistakes.

phone-d with honey was amazing though he decided to have an early night. how I wish everyday's Saturday.

kids these days scared the shit out of me.

just yesterday,my 9 year old niece said "fuck!"
straight to my face & I first used that word when
I was like what.. 12,going 13? She admitted that
she knws more " beautiful word" than me & when I,
curiously,asked her how did she got to knw all the
words,she just said that that sch mates use it on daily
basis. a 9 year old girl speaks like she's 19. scary.
...
speaking of 19,I'm going 19 in 9 days time.
so.. fcuk.

Friday was exceptionally good
maybe I should work on Evening shift more often 'til sch call.

I love the idea of having pizza on bed for dinner.
love love.

went for vaccination on Thursday with Fiona.
had a bimbotic moment.
Fi,you should really try Quad Tall Vanilla No Foam Latte!
if I love it,you should love it too.

All the right friends in all the wrong places
So yeah, we're going down.
They got all the right moves in all the right faces
So yeah, we're going down.

So,i guess my patience has no boundary. damn! I really need to do stg abt it. I need retaliation,frustration & everything in between. It's alright,I know how to handle this. Now all I need is a Prata Cheese Sausage & a Quad Tall 4-pumps of Vanilla Syrup Latte. & my Army boy♥ Meeting Abg Wan to settle for sch which probably gonna start on May 12th & that day marks our 3rd Anniversary. how can I not love you.

Makcik minum Pepsi,botak ni paling sexy♥

Oh my god! I cried because I saw a frog "sleeping(according to my boyfriend)" beside the drain.

this is my 3rd entry for today. was that bored!
I need to work,earn cash!
after tonight,27 days away to my 19th!
which means,major fuck!
hate that day. *sulk*

had an argument with Honey on the phone & when i
read this,I giggled all alone in my room.
(sorry,Baby. should have told ya on the phone)




& came across this when I was reading Aqidah's tumblr.

):

how I wished;

• I could be energetic at work like yesterday
• Our conversation could be fun like,again,yesterday.
  

i can't really sleep tonight though I'm very lethargic.
i don't knw why.

Friday isn't the day that I'm looking forward to.
Honey will be away for two weeks. Hence,the sadness.
Also mark the day that I gonna get busy with work. Schedule
will be pretty tight. But that doesn't give me the right to avoid
my girlfriends. okay that's besides the point.

Some might get this wrong & I'm definitely not blurting it out(because
I'm thinking.)since the heart & mind is speaking the same
language(if you get what i mean),so i guess it's okay to tell.

Living life full of deceives ain't easy. I guess some might go through
this as well. but the deceives have to stop someday. I'm not Miss-Know-
It-All but this is based on experience. Just because you're in love,that
doesn't mean both think alike. your mindset & how logic things can get.
therefore,caused complication. also,this is a perfect example of beautiful
imperfection. maybe this post is meant for my love.

When everything comes positive & there's no room for negativity,
something's wrong somewhere. how about if everything's negative,there
must be something positive out of it. frankly,how can speak the truth,when
life is surrounded by deceivers. Even when you tried,no matter how rational
it is,you can never deliver the truth. though it's the truth,never. no matter
what you had to sacrifice or how foolish you look,never. it's not as easy as
it seem,right?

i love you,Aidil.

have you seen a flying kick?
or better,have you ever " taste " it?
soon,it'll land directly on your mouth.

i still have approximately 192hrs in hand. hence,the jug full of frozen fruit punch in freezer will remain frozen even if you're in. we can have it the day you're out. i love you.

the one sad soul that never learn from his/her own downfall.
& I'm too lazy to emphasize on it again.
because once a rotten apple,will always stay that way.

Don't trust a ___.
Never trust a ___.
Won't trust a ___.

make it short,simple & sweet,i knw where i stand now.
like right now. i won't leave,hopefully.
I'm wondering what he'd plan for me this time.

road to hell.